October 2009

How are you doing with the dwelling?

I wonder if you have considered seriously that dwelling in possibility takes conscious effort?  I have noticed that most people think the same thoughts every day and worry about the same things consistently.  Have you ever thought that you are one of those who do?  You probably don’t see yourself as a person who has such a “silly” habit, but… just observe your thoughts for two days.  Let them be what they usually are, don’t edit.  What have you found?  You, if you are being honest with yourself, most likely worry about the same things, ruminate about the same things, and end up having no conclusions about the same thing at the end of a day?  What about that seems silly?  Maybe nothing, but I imagine that you would like to think of yourself as more creative, more innovative, more of a wise person than what that person connotes as you imagine them.  You are educated, you are enlightened, you are wise, you are tuned in – are those some of the descriptive phrases you would put onto who you are?  However, then there is the reality of what happens in a day, actually everyday.  You fall back into old patterns and think, as you look i that morning mirror – yikes, is that me?  When did I put on that weight, where did that new wrinkle come from, what is happening to me, day after day?  You criticize yourself way before you even leave for your destination.

Notice today, if it is the morning hours when you are reading this, or notice yesterday, if you are taking stock of your thoughts over a two day period.  What are you finding?  No changes are taking place, really, because you haven’t taken action on what is needed – a makeover in the thinking area of your life.  You are stuck in this critical role of yourself.

I invite you to get up tomorrow (whether it is morning now or evening) and look in the mirror using someone who definitely loves you’s eyes.  Who unconditionally loves you?  Who in your life is totally accepting of you – no matter what?  Who says, “stop that negative talk, you are a fabulous person, period.”  It may be a partner, a best friend, a sibling -or- it may be God (Infinite Intelligence, The Source of our Lives, whatever you call It) the one who created you in Its image and likeness.  Can you honestly say that you are not acceptable when you use that person’s eyes (or the eyes of the Presence)?  No way, you begin to stutter or get silent, you certainly don’t continue being like you were before you became consciously aware of this long-held pattern of looking at yourself in the mirror.  Start tonight, start tomorrow, just start having that intense awareness of what you are saying to you – and then most likely – changing it.  Surprising things will begin to occur, startling understanding will emerge, people that said those things to you will come into focus so that you can deal with them.  The invitation is yours, are you going to pick it up and do it?

10 Steps to Step into the World of Possibilities

1. Focus your attention on what you believe about your world now, at this moment.  Ask yourself if YOU think you’re experiencing your family, work, environment, friends (everything with that world) as a place of “all things are possible here, it is exciting, open, challenging…” or “things are about like they have been for several years, some ups, some downs, mostly status quo.”  

2. Next, be willing to take 100% responsibility for EVERYTHING that is happening in your world, whether you believe you are the “victim” of certain circumstances of not.

3. Begin immediately to do at least one action that is outside of your ordinary way of doing or being.  In other words, be outrageous (not endangering yourself or others), just step outside of the limits you unknowingly have placed around your life.

4. As you do the above activity, make it uncommon, far out FOR YOU to consider and one which can benefit you in some way, like building a birdhouse when you’ve never picked up a hammer or driving over to a friend’s house and leaving a note (or flowers) on their doorstep.  I imagine you’ve thought of a few by now.  Don’t censor yourself, rather unlimit yourself.  

5. Next, write a paragraph about how it felt to move beyond your “normal” way of thinking, acting, doing, and being.  Write about what you imagined before doing your uncommon activity, and how you see yourself and your world now that you’ve accomplished the action.  If you have really experimented with and been honest about the above steps, you are moving into the land of possibilities, a land where new vistas can be seen.  The horizon of your particular life has just expanded and YOU did it.

6. Okay, now focus your attention on what you think a miracle is.  I am guessing it is some form of “I’d like one but I don’t know how to have it occur” or “I don’t really believe in miracles.”  Think of a time in your life where something extraordinary happened, something you didn’t think could occur AND it did.  I know you have at least occurrence you can consider here.  When you have one in mind, notice that the miracle happened in spite of your particular belief.

7. Other miracles can show up in your life now IF you consciously choose to look for them and you have shifted your perception of the “way things are,” “the way your world is set up,” to the impossible happening.  For the next four days, take the time to be in the world of miracles (unlimited possibilities)/  They are happening around you right now but your perception and your beliefs keep you from noticing them.

8. After 4 days, it you haven’t yet seen and or experienced at least one miracle you are probably still in the land of skepticism.  Open yourself to the unknown more.  Stay tuned in to what is present right now in your world that you hadn’t paid attention to before this moment.  At first, it may seem small or not even in the category of the miraculous.  Look again.  Expand your fenced-in notions of what a miracle, a possibility, an unlimiting thought would be.  Remember, giving up the small area of the room you’ve lived in a lot of your life to explore a mansion with open doors everywhere is necessary for possibilities to enter.  Begin walking out of the room towards the rest of the house immediately.  This action means literally stepping out of what you know is comfortable, secure (and a little boring) to vast realms of adventurous, mystifying, but intriguing explorations.

9. Allow, allow, allow the old beliefs of what your world has been and must be to fade away and let in the newness, the glory, the ecstasy of that splendor you are beginning to unleash, to unimprison.

10. After all, what DO you want to do with you one wild and precious life??? Whatever it is, continue to know that, if you are having fun, playing this life intentionally but lightly, you can dwell in this world of possibilities.  The reward is inherent in the process and this possibility world gives back to you the magic and wonder a child naturally creates.

Be Ye Transformed…

Have you heard that verse “be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind?”  Well, as a person thinketh, so is he (or she).  So, what have you been thinking about the most this day?  I want you to take a moment (or several moments) to ponder this question.  What have you been thinking about today – your “problems,” your “mis-takes,” your schedule, your relationship with someone that isn’t going so well, your work, moving, finances, who you have resentment towards right now, or what???  You are totally in charge of what you think, yet I find that only about 1% or less of people get that, they just ruminate about whatever comes to mind and then get upset by it (most likely).  I invite you right now to realize that you always, always have a choice about what you spend your time thinking about.  I have so many people who come to my office, desperate to change, yet completely unaware of what is keeping them stuck.  Guess what is the main reason they stay stuck – they are in a rut – a deep rut – they are going over and over in their minds what they did or didn’t do or what they ate or shouldn’t have eaten, what they said in a note or phone call that might have led to their having no communication with someone at this point…  So many distractions from what they would like to think about and more importantly what they (you) would like to feel.  You are fully in control of what you think and thus what you feel (which of course follows what you think about) yet you don’t seem to get it a lot of the time.  You are in the habit of thinking about what is bothering you the most rather than what would thrill you.  You could be joyous right now, do you think that is possible?  Well, it is, but only if you get more control over what you think at any given moment.  You are so much more powerful than you can imagine, especially right now, when you may be bogged down in the mire of “if only” or “why didn’t I” or “maybe next time” or “when is it ever going to change.”  Guess what, you can turn the corner to a new life right now – remember?  You are transformed by the renewing of your mind.  That means, you are a new person when you commit to thinking about how grateful you are, about how magnificent the Universe is, about how much Love you feel towards …, about the wonderful things that you did this week – acknowledging you, even when no one else notices, about how miraculous so many things are – like a bud opening, a tree changing colors, a child looking to you for attention and you provide it.  You know, you are an amazing being – here in the form of a human but having the mind – if you choose it – of Spirit, of your Essence, your Soul.  You are a one-of-a-kind precious Being that is unrepeatable, power-filled, unique, amazing, astounding and ever-changing (when you choose to be).  How about making a commitment right now to find what is “right” about you rather than what is “wrong” or “unacceptable” or “repugnant” about you?  It is all up to you, whether you focus on the magnificence or on the human “frailties” that you (and everyone of us) can find it we look hard enough.  Who needs to look for the negative when you can feel so much more joy by deciding to look for all that is good and ever so great about you.  Starting now, experiment with listing – on paper if you will, at least in your mind – what YOU know is remarkable about you?  I will be glad to support you in this “project.”  It is essential for the transformation that comes with this renewing of your mind.

Be Bold, Be Brave, Be Brand New today

What do I see, what do I hear and what do I encounter every day as I go to one of my five offices, four in Los Angeles area, one in Santa Fe?  Discontent of some kind, either with themselves or with their relationships.  I rarely find people who directly say – I am fed up with the me I’ve created so far, the life I have chosen up until now.  That very statement, though, is what I hear as I listen between the lines.  What are people fed up with?  Their unwillingness to take the chances necessary to have a great, joyous and free life.  Bound by their old belief patterns, imprisoned by their own decisions along the way, these people need to break out of their safe, little shells and become somebody they don’t even recognize – that can happen in an instant, once a choice to break free has been made.  Do it, see what happens.  You can always go back to the old, habitual ways of being.  For today, do something different with your life, even if it is just driving a totally different way to work or deciding you are going to talk about things and to people that you ordinarily would not do.  I was working with someone last week who told me some very moving experiences he had had about 6 years ago, before he moved to another state.  As we talked, he almost in a whisper said, “what I’m describing to you is what I know I came into this world to do, yet, I’m not doing it now.”  He almost wept.  He was somewhat startled to have heard these very words come out of his mouth.  But, they were out in the room now, those words, his admission, his jarring understanding of how far off course he had gotten.  It was very moving to be with him during this moment and the time that was left for us to process what he was uncovering from the depths of his awakened mind.  

What do you think your purpose is?  How close to your calling, your message from your Soul, are you?  Is what you are doing what you know you are to do here at this time in your life?  If so, hurray for you.  If not, when do you think you might start doing and being what you came here to do and to be?  The time is now, the openings you have missed are probably many, due to your just not paying attention to what was being whispered into your “ear” (through hunches, nudges, intuitive waves of clarity).  You are here for something so much greater than you have been willing to embrace, I am imagining.  You haven’t even touched the huge calling that has been waiting  for you to embrace it and run with it.  What have you been doing instead, what have you said to yourself that made it okay to ignore this enormous, glorious undertaking that only you are here to do.  No one else was given this particular assignment, you were.  I sense that you have an inkling of what it is but don’t want to think about it for very long – just a fleeting second, a fleeting glimpse of what it truly is.

Oh yes, your Soul has been trying to get your attention, yes it has.  When will you get still enough to let It tell you Its Knowings.  Now?  Next week?  Next year?  What are you waiting for?  I mean, really, what are you doing to stop yourself from “going for it, whatever “it” is?  I know, fear, in all its many disguises.  Underneath it all, it is fear – fear of failure and fear of success.  That about covers it, doesn’t it?  Well, I urge you to reconsider the timing, the world is waiting for you to come out of hiding and gift us all with your doing your thing, your particular, unique thing.  You don’t have to study anymore to know how to do what it is – you have the knowledge inside of you, the answers came in with you, your Soul has kept them very neatly in a place that is immediately accessible to you, you just have to be open to receiving.  Open, like a beautiful bud that gives us its inside majestic part at the exact moment it is meant to open.  Have you ever watched that bud from beginning to the end, have you noticed that most of the buds open up at night?  That seems like a great metaphor for us today, doesn’t it?  We usually don’t even think about changing what we are doing or questioning our calling until we are “in the dark times” of our lives – things aren’t feeling too great that we are doing day after day.  We are a bit depressed, perhaps, or just discontented with where we are at this time in our lives.

Come now, walk into the Light, the wisdom is right beyond your mind’s excuses for staying where you are. Stop listening to your mind and start listening carefully to your heart, your Spirit, your Essence, your Soul.  What a magnificent discovery you will find, not when you reason it all out, but rather when you turn off the analysis of it all and just flow with your revelations as they come to you – they don’t make “sense” sometimes but you follow those hunches, those intuitive inklings and a whole new world will appear – it will seem out of nowhere, but really it has been there all the time.  You had to take off the old pair of glasses and the worn-out ear plugs and allow the astounding True Self to appear.  Welcome that Brand New You, unrecognizable yet somehow familiar.  Life is just beginning – again.  Things will now become effortless.  Energy will be boundless and you will be a new alleluia from head to toe.  ”Thank you, O my Soul, for this new me” you will be whispering.

Begin Again

Do you feel rather stale?  Do you ever think that you don’t have any energy left for what you are doing day after day after day?  Well, maybe you are not heeding the signs that you are to go to a new level in your life.  Your relationships, your work life, your ways of spending time when you leave work just may need to be examined.  It is essential that you don’t let fear stop you from moving on in any (or all) areas of your life.  The Universe is progressive and if you aren’t growing, learning, excited each day of your life, you just may be in a stagnant place.  I would be astounded if you told me that you weren’t scared to expand, yet, it is time, if you answered “yes” to any of my questions.  You are in charge, you know, and only you can make the choice to begin anew, to start fresh, to have a startling, astounding change in what you are doing or how you are being.  The time is now, for, if you miss this opportunity to grow, to transform, you are then even more stuck in complacency, a land that goes absolutely nowhere.  

I urge you to examine closely just what doesn’t fit anymore in the life you are leading.  What seems out of place?  What is rather boring, certainly not challenging to you, at this point in your life?  Don’t let time go by as you contemplate your next “move.”  Only you know what fits your unique set of skills and gifts.  Be bold, be creative, be adventurous.  What do you think you have to lose?  What is holding you back?  Answer quickly, before you mind makes up some rather flimsy excuses!  You are here to do something grand.  I can hear you say – how do you know!  I know, because we all are here with our own set of wonderful offerings to the world and you are still playing too small for what you are here to do.  You may be “comfortable,”  (in that you aren’t having to stretch yourself) but that isn’t going to cut it if you are self-aware enough to know what you are doing.  In truth, you are hiding.  You don’t want to be pushed, seen as ignoring glaring signals, but that is most likely what is happening in your life these days.  The world is transforming much more rapidly than ever before, so you either keep up with it all or you just lag behind and feel a little bad for not doing what you were born to do.  I can tell you right now, you can do anything you get committed enough to do.  That is definitely so.  It is a matter of setting your mind and heart to it, after taking the time to listen to your Soul to see what is next for you to take on.

 Have you spent much time, by the way, speaking with your Soul – that wise part of you that knows all the answers and has everything you need to shoot up to the next level in your life?  Better check in, I think it is past time to commune with that part of you, the One who knows all and is your avenue to greater and greater possibilities for your life.  Expand the territory in which you reside – both internally and externally.  You will be so thankful you did.  Let your Soul lead the way and the way will be filled with magic and miracles.

Getting Out of Your Own Way

Here we are, all of us, walking around this universe, many thinking we are mere humans and that is that. Well, we aren’t. Just imagine your not having any hunches, intuition, impulses you knew you had to pay attention to at the time… Where do you think these come from? Your Soul, that exquisite place inside of you that knows, that is wise, that is connected to Spirit, even when you aren’t aware of that connection at all. You are more than flesh, you are more than that body you walk around with, you are more than the thoughts (usually the same ones you had yesterday) you have and the beliefs you carry around as if they are “the truth.” Remember the words “You shall know the Truth and the Truth shall set you free?” Well, the Truth that is referred to here is the Truth of your Being, that you are a Spiritual Being that is in form at this moment. When you get that at a deep level, life changes for you in a profound way. You honor your Self, you listen to your Self, you obey what that tiny voice is telling you at any one time. Yes, you finally get out of your own way enough to let your Soul lead the way. It takes getting still, not just once, or once in a while, but every day, for so many distract themselves from hearing their Inner Being and lose their bearings, lose their way, feel lost, rather empty, floating in a sea of discontent. Don’t you be one of those, for it is a huge waste to neglect what your Soul is saying. I wrote a book called “When Hope Can Kill, How Hope Keeps you with the Wrong Person, Reclaim your Soul for the Right Person” for many reasons. One important one, though, was to write a book about how to reclaim your Soul in relationships. That’s where we most likely first stop listening to our own wisdom, our Soul, and start trying to get the attention, the approval, the love from someone else. It continues into adulthood, having started very early in life. The idea that we must “reclaim” our Soul comes from my knowing that you came in with a pure, beautiful, wise Essence. Along the way you gave It away, let It go, stopped listening to It because it seemed to you more important to do whatever it took to get someone’s (usually a parent’s ) love. “Reclaiming” or “Restoring” your Soul is then about placing your Soul back into Its rightful place – at the Center of your Life. When you do that, you, as a person who feels they have to have someone’s love and approval, gets out of the way and your Soul gets to have full say over what you do and when and how. Now that is exciting, enlivening, and empowering.

The Way to Welcome Unlimited Possibilities

I have found, through these 18 years of being a psychologist in private practice, that what most people do is wait, wait and wait some more. What are they waiting for? Their lives to really begin, their lives to look like they thought they would, their lives to be filled with great joy and happiness because they have a mate or a great job or… Now, the way to complete frustration, anger, uncomfortable days, disappointing weeks and an empty life is to do exactly what I just described. You may think that your perfect person, job, opportunity, situation, no-worries type of life is the only way you can live joyously. That is definitely not true at all.

If the above sounds familiar though, you are certainly in the majority. However, the majority does not mean that you are living in a way that will ever produce the life you so greatly desire. What happens is that you become so focused on what isn’t in your life, you miss what is there to be grateful for. I don’t mean to sound simplistic because what I am describing is not easy or simple. It is actually quite complex. And, it takes practice. I know that at times all of you have moments where you are grateful for something in your life. That is great.

Most of your days, though, I notice, are filled with “well, another week and I’m no closer to the job I want than I was in January” or “this is getting so old, being alone like this, I really am upset” or some version of these statements. You wake up and the first thoughts are about what you want and don’t have. The universe takes note of this kind of inner dialogue and accommodates you by giving you more of that which you put out. We talked yesterday about – what you send out you get back. You want more of what you don’t have? Of course not and you don’t even think about what you think about!!! You just start out thinking thoughts you had the day before. It is a pattern, an old habit.

What if you woke up tomorrow and said things like “I am so grateful I can work today, that I am healthy enough to go to my job” or “I am thankful I have the friend who called last night just to see how I was, what a great gift she is” or “Look at that blue sky, I am so fortunate to live in this place where I can see the sky and even watch the trees start turning…” or “I think I’ll call my sister and tell her how thankful I am she is available to me so often.”

The possibilities of what you could wake up saying to yourself are of course boundless. I want to urge you to expand the way you talk to yourself, the tone you set when you wake up each day, even before you get up. I most want to invite you to consider staying in the present all the time, every moment of the day, finding things that you may have taken for granted but from this day on you don’t, you see with new eyes.

Staying present in the present provides endless opportunities for you to be filled up with joy, with a sense that all is well because – well – because it is happening in your life at this time. There are no accidents and everything happens at the exact time it is going to. Relaxing into the present provides the most fertile ground for unexpected wonderful, exciting situations to arise. Have you ever gone past an exit or a turn onto a street because you were so into your thinking about some challenge, problem or wish that you didn’t pay attention to what you were doing? That is a tiny example of what happens all the time in life when we skip out of the present and into what we wish could be.

We do miss things and those will not be back in the exact way they were at that moment – whether it was a turn, an exit or the way the moon looked, or a cloud, a certain configuration of people… so many things could be listed here. I love the verse that says “be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind.” How about renewing your mind this moment by getting and staying in the present. It is truly the way to welcome unlimited possibilities into your life. Experiment with it for at least a month. Let me know how transforming the month was for you.

Dwell in Possibility part 2

Yesterday I started talking about this wonderful subject.  Today, I want to go into more detail about how a person can dwell there when things look rather bleak in their lives.  Have you ever been able to be joyous when things all around you were rather annoying, going wrong or just blah?  That is a wonderful practice that leads you right into dwelling in possibility.  You see, if you look at appearances, that is, things that are around you at the moment, you are seeing what you (and others) created by thinking certain thoughts, by repeating certain thought patterns over time.  When you begin to become acutely aware of what you are thinking and start to monitor it to the extent that you change any “impossible for me” thoughts or “I am too old” or ” it happens to others but not me” or “I’ve tried everything and nothing is working for me” thoughts or “this all sounds too good to be true, change your thoughts, change your life stuff” thoughts and really, really begin to experiment, at least, with the notion that it is your skepticism that is preventing any miraculous experiences from entering your life, you will be astounded at what starts to happen.  Believe me, well, you don’t have to believe me yet, just be willing to do the experiment – which is, to watch every thought that you have – from the moment you wake up until you lay your head down for the night.  What are you thinking?  I had a man write down every thought he had all day and evening one day a few years ago.  He was very upset when he discovered that 90% were rather negative and, when he decided to do it for a second day, found that he was repeating almost all the thoughts he had had the day before – again.  Now, that could be rather discouraging, don’t you think???  ”The Secret” is not a bunch of witchcraft, it isn’t even “too far out” to be believed.  It is age-old wisdom that has become common knowledge and a common experience of those who choose to believe in it fully, not half-heartedly, but fully.  You do attract what you think about, whether you are doing it consciously or not.  You bring about what you think about.  If you are a person who sees the cynical side of life, you are likely to continue to see that in your day-to-day life.  How come?  Because you believe it.  Words do become “things.”  Think about this fact – if you are a skeptic, you are not going to see the miracles of life that are happening all around you.  You really aren’t.  You will see through the eyes of a person who can only view life, most often, with a negative edge.  You may not even imagine yourself as a negative person, but notice, on Monday and the rest of the work week, what you are thinking about the day.  Do you wake up saying to yourself, “here we go again, same ole stuff, I hate Mondays.”  How could your day be glorious after such a “bah humbug” start?  Just try waking up this Monday with the thought “I am going to look for beautiful things and acknowledge them to myself all day long – whether it is a child I notice as I do my early morning walk or a flower I pass as I drive to work or a tree that is all twisted but amazing in its own way…”  You will see what you choose to see, that is just how it is.  So, choose to see beauty, loveliness, unusual happenings, smiling faces (I’m beginning to sound way too “Dr. Positive” here), but really, choose to see things you have passed by on all the other days you have driven this route to your work.  Consciously set an intention (a blog I wrote about a week or so ago) to do things a different way, to take note of things you’ve never noticed.  See what you find out about you.  You don’t have to answer to anyone, you just may be surprised at how life seems different somehow, at the end of that day.

I wasn’t kidding about being joyous when the day is humdrum either.  You get to choose how you are going to go through a day, despite anything that is occurring at the moment in your life.  See how that works for you too.  So you have some experimenting to do.

Hurray for you if you decide to do these things I am inviting you to do.  That will be a great start to a  new life, one that dwells in possibility rather than one that is stuck in impossibility.  Let me know how it is for you.

Dwell in Possibility

For about 10 years now, I have used the phrase “I dwell in possibility” on my letterhead.  It gets lots of attention because people mostly live within a small area, boundaried by their past, their old belief patterns and what they think they can do.  I am inviting you to unlimit yourself this minute.  How, you ask?  Become aware of how you are limiting your life – in relationships, in work, in dreaming about what you want next, in every area of your life.  What don’t you let yourself do?  What reasons do you give yourself?  Throw all those reasons (excuses) away and begin enlarging your territory, so to speak.  Begin to dream so big that you know you alone can’t do it – that’s where Spirit comes in.  You are so much more than you let yourself know.  If you have a desire, it isn’t a made-up notion, an impossible idea, it is “of God,” that is actually what “desire” means.  Take it seriously and know that you have the wherewithall to do whatever it is that you desire.  Sure, it’s huge.  So?  Sure, it seems undoable.  So?  Keep still every day so that you can hear what that precious “Voice” is saying to you and do just that one step, it may be so tiny you can’t imagine it could make a difference.  But it is all part of an enormous piece that you are participating in building, all adding up to your desire coming to fruition.  I invite you right now to use the affirmation “I dwell in possibility” as many times a day as you can bring it into your mind.  You will be astounded at the results of just that one phrase – your life will become unrecognizable…